Lister:  Love is what separates us from the animals.
Rimmer:  No, Lister - what separates us from animals is that we don't
use our tongues to clean our genitals.

Kryten:  A superlative suggestion sir, with just two minor flaws: one, we don't
have any defensive shields and two, we don't have any defensive shields.
I know that, technically, that's only one flaw, but it was such a big
one I thought I'd mention it twice.

Cat:  Betty Rubble? Well, I would go with Betty... but I'd be thinking of Wilma.
Lister:  This is crazy. Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone?
Cat:  You're right. We're nuts. This is an insane conversation.
Lister:  She'll never leave Fred, and we know it.

Holly:  It was Jean-Paul Sarte who said hell was being trapped for eternity
in a room with your friends.
Lister:  Sure, but all Sarte's mates were French.

Lister:  Rimmer, real dumplings, proper dumplings, when they're properly cooked
to perfection, proper dumplings do not bounce!

Holly:  Nothing wrong with Dog's milk: full of goodness; full of
vitamins; full of marrow-bone jelly! Lasts longer than any
other type of milk, dog's  milk.
Lister:  Why's that?
Holly:  No bugger will drink it!

Rimmer:  He's looking so geeky he couldn't even get into a science-fiction convention.

Rimmer: Step up to red alert.
Kryten: Sir, are you absolutely sure? It would mean changing the bulb.